Good Morning, Detlev…
I found out a long time ago that what you are talking about in your email {“What are you waiting for…”}, what that link you included is really dealing with… at least I hope it is. It’s called “Fear of Success”. In a nutshell, it comes from your family, that you don’t have permission to grow or succeed past their level, the families place or station in life. We get programmed all our childhood to accept our place, station, in life, you are told over and over for years things like “We, our family, have always been {insert some job or trade, etc. here”}.
You could call it the “blue collar”, or “lower working class curse”. I heard it all my life, that we were workers. My Dad really only gave me one piece of advice that he had gotten when he was young “get a job and show up every day”. The idea he said was that if you showed up every morning you would work all day and that would get you a paycheck on Friday.
Sadly, too many people are programmed to only expect a typical paycheck on Friday for their whole life. They think they will never be allowed to climb up the ladder… That those places are for others and we aren’t like them. And it’s a terrible thing to live with and even harder to break out of. And the only way out is to get permission to exceed the traditional family limitations.
A few lucky ones learn that they can give themselves that needed permission, but it is a great struggle to develop that simple ability. The tragic fact of life is the great multitudes won’t, simply can’t for the above reasons. But then it wouldn’t be such a great society without them, without anyone to do the work that needs to be done. For they are, in fact, the fountain of wealth the few at the top live off of by taking a bit of what each produces for themselves. A few cents isn’t much by itself, but if one is taking a few cents from hundreds, or thousands, or millions it adds up nicely to a huge amount of wealth. And that is what the super rich do, have always done…
I’ll share with you the real secret Napoleon Hill discovered, what he alluded to in every chapter but never actually named outright… everything else he wrote is just supporting methods. And every self-help, how to do it, get rich, book, program, or system since then only takes a part or three of what he wrote in “Think and Grow Rich” and simply expounds on it a bit more, none of those have ever offered anything new, it’s something I had written on my wall years before I read his book, a “what to do with the great idea your mind gave you, or the desire you get for something”.
Just do IT.. NOW!
“Now” is the keyword, thinking about won’t get anything done If you can give yourself permission and then just do it NOW you will succeed. His thirteen basic principles are simply tools to help you get it done faster. And that’s why 99% of the people that buy all the books and systems and all the rest never ever use them, they simply don’t have permission to do it, to go forth farther and succeed.
Someone loaned me their copy of “The Secret” last week and from what I read it boils down to about the same thing, their slant is kinda like self hypnosis to give yourself permission to get what you want, to be able to accept it when it shows up. And again it’s you that must do it, what ever that is which is required to go get the thing you want. Like they teach in school for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction, that is because the universe demands balance.
You can share this if you want, even look deeper into it so you can share a deeper understanding of what it is and how to learn to give permission and then do it NOW. And if it makes you a new bundle of money maybe you’ll share back what you think it was worth…
Keep up the good work,
Jon
Hi Jon and Detlev!
After reading the article and posts…
I officially give myself permission to exceed my expected station in life and become more successful in life and in business.
I got my chance at freedom after getting downsized from my corporate cubicle in oct 2006 and decided to become self employed.
I’ve had moderate success, with a few more goals
and milestones to reach I mm looking to take my business and site to all new highs.
You get choices in life, I could have easily gone out and got another job, but I chose to go it alone, start something new, I TOOK A CHANCE…on ME!
This was done knowing that success or failure was 100% my responsibility.
Sometimes…when you get a chance…you just got to go for it.
Best regards,
Jason Lamure
I agree entirely with what both of you have said, however, just recognizing that childhood circumstances that have restricted you from achieving more than your parents did will not provide the answers, although, it is the first step. I still hear my mother’s words ringing in my ears ‘why don’t you get a real job’ and ‘I couldn’t make it, so you won’t’. Don’t get me wrong I love my mother dearly, she just didn’t realize that I wanted more than she had achieved. Now some forty odd years later I am finally living my dream. How? because I decided that to do what I wanted to do and do it successfully I would have to learn a lot more than my mother had and then add some passion, drive, dedication, patience and a lot of hard work. ‘My mother’s words still ring in my ears but today they are the words that drive me forward rather than back. So I say to all of you who want to succeed, learn to use the negatives of your childhood as the driving force to push you forward.
Hi Jo and Detlev,
I too come from a working class background and yes It is up to you the individual to remove the self limiting cap that we allow ourselves to be guided by. I made that decision at the age of sixteen when I persuaded my Mum to sign the forms that allowed me to join the Navy. At 21 I left the Navy to become a self employed diver offshore and then at 32 decided that I did not want to dive into my 40’s and 50’s so I became a self employed financial adviser after 16 months moved into management and for seven years ran my own branch of the business. Things happened then (triple by-pass and company sold off the sales force) I now work in a regular job 4 days on and 4 days off and am using my days off to build my own internet business. I know I will succeed because I want it and I take action to get the things I want, as stated above and nike adopted it to JUST DO IT and as jon said NOW
Dave
Hello Everybody,
I have known from my own experiences with the MLM industry that I had the desire and passion to do what I wanted to do. Yet, as Jon put it so clearly, I have held back just a bit in every case knowing the fear of failing. It is the “get a J.O.B.” mentality that gives most of us that sense of dependency.
Given permission to succeed, which God our Father wants for us, we can and will succeed. I just did not receive the permission and now I will just give it to myself!
Marion also gave insight to the fact that we all have this embedded into our psyche… by the words ringing in our ears. However, we just have to do it and do it now.
Going to get started so I will not be back for a little while.
Peace and Prosperity to you all,
Leon
Crazy how giving YOURSELF permission instead of waiting for something outside of yourself can change your world…
At the beginning of July, I made a choice to stop most of what I had been doing and focus on my online businesses. I didn’t know exactly what, how, where, or when but I knew why, what I had been doing wasn’t working.
In less than one week, my world had changed. In 2 weeks I move into the home of my dreams, doing work I love, networking with people who are like-minded, positive individuals, and I fully expect the change of physical environment will result in other positive changes. I also had 3 new clients come into my life asking for help to do things I LOVE to do, so it’s hardly work at all. Amazing, the world does work in mysterious ways!
I do have that programming, hearing those messages about money, about relationships, about ego vs humility, and mostly about a woman’s place in the world, which is where I have the most battle within myself.
Time is the most precious resource and for women, it’s hard to divide time between traditional roles and invest enough time to become a successful entrepreneur. That said, I’m determined to develop a lifestyle that supports the best of both worlds, a rewarding personal/family lifestyle that supports a successful/profitable business.
It can happen, and I’ll be a living example! If anyone wants to follow my progress, find me on Twitter @bgreen
Success 2 ALL!
1. Excellent article.
2. Question: Why do we complicate things so much with thousands and thousands of words, when in fact it is really very simple? Answer: Is it because selling information can make the seller very wealthy?
3. Why not apply the KISS principle, ie Keep It Simple Stupid?
4. Fact: We are each resppmnsible for our own destiny. Destiny is not a matter of chance. It is a matter of choice.
5. Let me suggest thst there are millions of “thoughts” floating around in “space”, and we have the choice of which ones to select for our own use so as to have an abundant life, completely fulfilled in every way. In other words, just as you shop selectively for nourishment for your body, make sure you “shop” selectively for nourishment for your spirit. Everything is interconnected. In summary, “what you think, you are.”
6. Treat the past as the past, and every new day as the opportunity to excel in everything way. Give yourself permission to be everything you were created to be and aim to reach your full potential.
7. It is a terribly sad fact that many of us have absolutely no hope of ever reaching our full potential until we understand why we are here and where we are going.
8. We cannot escape the fact that we are spiritual beings (whether we choose to believe it or not), ie once the spirit is dead, then to all intents and purposes, so is the body (or might as well be), so to speak. Visit a hospital for the mentally ill and witness the quality of life that these unfortunate people have. It iall comes back to what is happening between your two ears.
Here’s to an abundant life!
Lionel Fitness
Thanks Jon, for sharing this. It was exactly the kind of feedback I was looking for because it is so true. Early in your life, you’ll get said a lot of things that can influence your future in a negative way. You’ll get said “You can’t do this or you can’t do that…” and “that’s not for people like us”.
Unknowingly, parents and friends make you believe that you can’t do certain things. And if you’re trying it anyway, you’re thinking about these comments again which make you unsure. And then it’s like they predicted – you fail. At least, most of the times, if you haven’t taken any active measures to block these kind of thoughts.
Personally, I come from a worker family, too. But I was the first person in my family to go to college and study. The kind of comments I heard as a child didn’t let me down. I knew that I wanted a better life and acted accordingly. And even though I didn’t complete my studies, I learned a ton of new things at the university which helped me in my further life.
Last but not least, I got self-employed which was another pill hard to swallow for my parents. Their initial reaction also was something along the lines of: “It’s too risky… do you know how many people fail when trying to build their own business?”. And “What will you do if you don’t have a real job and fail”?. Failing was not an option for me so I persisted and became successful. I’ve been self-employed since Jan. 01 of 2003. It was the best decision of my life!!
If you don’t take a chance when it’s being offered to you, you’ll probably regret it for the rest of your life. I know, I would have…
Thanks again, Jon.
Detlev
Hi Jason,
you’re so right. And your choice was very similar to mine. Sometimes, bad things happen only to be later turned into something good. You grow with these things and if you let go of every chance in life, you won’t have achieved anything you had planned.
So, congratulations on your choice and I’m wishing you all the success in your business and that you’ll reach your new milestones quickly
Thanks,
Detlev
@Marion: That’s exactly how I used my parents’ comments, too… I used them to prove them wrong. Every negative comment I got from them motivated me even more to go my own way and make my own experiences.
@Dave: That’s the right attitude. You seem to have gone a long way already, too. It’s never too late to do the things you really want. Moreover, it’s also never too late for someone to reach his personal success.
For example, there are so many actors who had their breakthrough really late in their life and were always waiting for that big breakthrough (e.g. Anthony Hopkins with his role in “The Silence of the Lambs”). As long as you have faith in yourself, you’ll succeed even if it’s late in your life & even against all odds…
Yes, you need to start NOW!
Detlev
Hi,
I understand what you are trying to say. I mean, I am going through the same right now. I am being made to believe that engineering is currently the best option available on earth. Crap, I’d say! That day I had one of my colleagues speaking how is cousin chose engineering and got a Rs. 92,000/month (roughly 2,200$) J.O.B. Big Deal! Ask him for his income 10 years hence and I bet there isn’t much a difference. And maybe ask him after 50 years. Similar figure.
So, work like hell all your life and then retire and live on your savings and pensions till you die. Who’s ready? NOT ME. I can’t expect my life to change unless I change it myself. Well OK, I don’t say that I’ll start earning more than that tomorrow morning, but at least there is a room for improvement. (Big Improvement)
Hey, but I don’t think my generation (at least my friends) are skeptical about the idea of earning online or starting an online business. I had one of my friends eagerly enquiring about IM when I said I was interested in it. (He seemed pretty excited to me.:))
Anyway, I am still studying and got homework to do. Lots and Lotsa homework. So…
Bye,
Sumit.
PS. Sorry for my terrible and amateurish english. I am just a 15 year old from India and you know how much we Indians suck at English. (No? Just head to Elance and outsource a ghostwriting project to an Indian.:)) Anyway, I’ve been trying to improve my English since the last 3 months, in my vacations.:)
@Sumit: That’s one of the reasons why I didn’t like to climb the corporate ladder, either. The payments are usually too low and you’re not really in control of your own life and destiny.
You have to obey to what others are telling you to do even if you know better. I’ve never wanted to live a life like that. But only with the advent of the Internet I’ve been able to do what I really love and want. So sometimes, you have to wait until the right time has come.
It’s important that you know where you are heading to with regards to what you want to achieve in life. Early on, you’ll have to write down what your goals are and how you can achieve them. Then, your subsconscious mind will actively help you to take action. And actions are what counts most. There is a time for learning but there also is a time for taking action. Some people wait a lifetime to get started and take their first baby steps towards action…
Detlev
P.S.: Your english is not too bad with regards to your age.
@Lionel: That’s a good list and one that I would sign on the spot. Too many people are living in the past and are currently living their life in a passive way – having no real goals which they want to achieve for themselves.
If you’re not making goals for yourself and acting on them (taking action to make them come true), you basically give up everything that’s within you – your full potential to become successul will be wasted… That’s why I am working towards my goals every day – even if it’s just a little bit. A to-do list can be really useful to keep on track.
Detlev
To everyone who has posted here, great comments. I would like to share my final thoughts on this with you. There are many people both family, friends and other so called entrepreneurs out there ready to shoot you down if you even remotely look like you may be a success, so surround yourself with positive people, either on the internet, through networking, or in the friends you choose. When things go a little pear-shaped these positive thinking people who understand and speak the same language that you speak (in my case about small business) will give you that support that you need at the time when you need it most. I speak from experience as I have these people around me in my friends, my offline network, through my mastermind group and online, I am very fortunate and extremely thankful to all of the people in my life today and I hope in some way I contribute to them as much as I get from them.
May good fortune follow you every day of your lives.
I immediately passed this post on to others.
What a great summation of a library’s worth of self help books. Thanks Detlev & Jon. Of course knowing your ghosts and moving on in spite of them takes a fair bit of willpower. Sometimes we have to just put our head down and plow ahead despite the pain.
Research, structure, and the example of pioneers helps to keep the momentum up, once the action begins.
On a practical note, I’m amazed at how easy it is to get stalled. I agonized over setting up an autoresponder account for under $20, and then spent twice that at lunch last weekend!
This post helped clarify the issue. Great post at the perfect time.
Thanks again
Colin
Hi,
It’s not only those from a working class background that have self defeating issues from childhood. My father started an advertising company and did very well. However, in spite of excellent grades and other accomplishments, they never believed I could have a successful business.
I can no longer work outside the home due to health issues, so I decided to start an internet business. I have a gift for counseling or coaching. However, I knew nothing about internet marketing or the tech stuff. After purchasing ebooks and courses that sounded like a foreign language, I decided I needed a more hands on personal mentor. Being naive, I paid $5,000 for nothing. The next $5,000 set me up with a home page and some sort of cascading format. Not even techies could figure out his personal system so I paid again to have it redone. He gave me a few instructions on marketing but since I have discovered that not all were accurate. When I went to incorporate, another company (you would have thought I would have become more cynical by now) really misrepresented their services, gave misinformation about the ones I needed, saying I would get problems from the state if I didn’t have them, and later I discover that they had double charged me for some features most of which I never used and they didn’t follow through with their commitment. I did finally negotiate a reimbursement for the over charge.
That is the background. I have worked at this business from the time I get up until the time I retire except for kid care and housework and husband interaction.
Sometime hard work is not the complete answer. In my desire to succeed, it was a head long rush to do anything and try everything that may benefit the business. Now we are facing bankruptcy. And possible back surgery has been added to my list of health challenges.
Since then I have re evaluated my motives, process, reacting rather than responding, and developing tunnel vision.
I have found a business coach that I can trust, he charge me half price, and he is exceeding my expectations after only several weeks. No income to speaK OF YET,